Swine flu. Run for my life!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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