nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize