i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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