Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
