well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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