I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
