How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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