I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
