i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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