ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
