he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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