I bet he comes in French.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
