So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
