What did we do last night that was yellow?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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