You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
