If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
