lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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