My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
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mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.