New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'