Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties