those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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