$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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