So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
