I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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