I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
