my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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