Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
