I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
