I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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