butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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