Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
