You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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