do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
