Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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