I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
