i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
