I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
