Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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