I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
