Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
