dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
