Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
