Do you still have your period?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
