why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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