I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
