i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
