it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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