Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
