I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
