hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
