Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
