And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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