How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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