oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
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My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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