im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
