Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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