He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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