She is in my trunk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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