Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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