do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
