I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
