you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
